there's an unspoken belief in some circles that, if you carefully craft terminology and use it in just the right way, it will be immune to misuse or dishonesty. problem is, there is literally nothing you can do to stop people from misusing words or misunderstanding them. there is nothing you can do to categorically stop people from twisting words against you, either. the search for bulletproof terminology is, at root, an exercise in magical thinking. we arrive at greater understanding via the conversation itself, not through a meta game that rests on top of the conversation
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in reply to @amydentata's post:
ugh, i was just dealing with this a few weeks ago
and what really sucks is that even when you mentally acknowledge that it's not your fault that they made something up to get mad at and attributed it to you, it still hurts when they do it, and it hurts even more when the people around you either believe them or treat the whole thing as a frivolous childish argument