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making dinner, and leaning out of the liminality of this last week of the year, and trying hard to keep my head out of the dark.

i've been thinking a lot, over the last few months, about imposter syndrome, and what it means to 'take this seriously', and how tied up i feel in systems which this year has proven can be taken away or structurally weakened seemingly at whim, or systems which only happen to work in my favour while being destructive in all other aspects. wondering if i'd be able to start again, or if i had a chance and blew it, or if i never had a chance at all!

don't get this post confused: i am happier this year than i ever have been. but it's hard! it's hard.


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