tw: discussion of suicide
what is beyond grief and sorrow and desperation? it is not Just desolation, but SELF-ANNIHILATION
crane tail is a game about an emotion that rots more deeply than suicide. it's a game about how suicidality isn't the worst feeling you could ever have. There Is Worse Than That.
i've been extremely close to hanging myself these past few days/weeks/months and the only reason i haven't is because i made a new guy to Deal with it. fever from the feverfew games becomes yuzu the wishmaker, but inviolet becomes geto the mirror-maker.
what that means is that fever from the [feverfew games] represents the irrepressible rage but the sincere belief that if you hold a wish in your heart that is mirrored by the wish in another's person heart, if two people make the same wish, it must certainly come true. but feverfew in sunhoney waits for a miracle that will never come.
sunhoney ends ambiguously, with the idea that sanemi, fever's best friend and one beloved, might come back for them. they could because it's never confirmed that they don't, but the whole point of sunhoney, the tragedy of sunhoney is that sanemi might never come for fever.
if sanemi never comes for fever, fever appears again in operator, operator and becomes the wishmaker waiting for a miracle, the right time to come.
operator, operator ends on a happy note if you leave it at that, if you believe that and only that.
but in context, you realize that YUZU is the wishmaker and that is a terrible, terrible thing. yuzu is from unspeakable things, and that title explains enough.
what it means to be the wishmaker is that you are in a cycle of granting your own wish, making a wish, and granting your own wish, and granting others' wishes, other selves' wishes, and never having your own granted, unless you grant it yourself.
to be the wishmaker means that you are granting your own wish (rather than waiting for a miracle).
but to be the mirror-maker means that you are inside a one-way mirror, which only functions when one side of the mirror is dark and the other is bright. from the dark side of the (interrogation) mirror, you can look through the pane of glass like a window.
but from the side that is flush with light, the window becomes a mirror, and you can only see yourself.
to be the mirror-maker means that you are making windows through which only you can see through, and through which others can only see themselves.
so the transition from wishmaker to mirror-maker is what crane tail is about.