why is it my job to convince people who say they want to help to actually help
"you have to come into the office to get help with that"
"i would like to do that but i had an hours long panic attack simply thinking about it"
"tough. also we cant actually help you with that, you have to do it"
well then what the fuck are you even good for? i dont need direction and i dont need to be babysat, i need help
the problem isnt that i dont know how to beg the government to continue living, the problem is i am now too disabled to keep begging the government to continue living because it makes me want to actually die
i was supposed to have therapy today. i got a call. oh, my therapist is out of the office? oh, theres a ""flu"" going around? you dont say
so just to be clear, the stance of this organization is that they DO provide the services i need but only if i expose myself to festering air OR sign away my fucking autonomy. my case manager specifically verified for me that the only way to get my needs fully met was to get myself declared legally incapacitated
what. the fuck. if you can do it and i am competent enough to ask for it, why in the late capitalist hell is that not enough
this is a system, then, that holds the needs of disabled people hostage until they submit to conditions of injury and confinement and i must assume, since they are not willing to protect me, that everyone there is a potential threat whose institutional culture is geared to trap sick people in "care" they dont need in order to capture that ultra-reliable medicare paycheck indefinitely, since this is a fucking thing that regularly happens to disabled people, as if the ghost of mass warehousing itself is trying to scrape us all back in
vile enemies who believe themselves healers, the foulest of shadowmakers. death upon all your ventures, eaters of lives
💔