red estrogen i was buying from india because government health care refused to produce health despite being technically insured while i was occasionally stealing to eat and not seeing doctors for years because half of their treatments for things like me was violence. my brain was damaged by excessive doses of antidepressants over a long time because every doctor was only ever renewing the hospital prescription instead of taking care. you cannot profoundly alter brain chemistry and just wait and see. for me, and i suspect many people elsewise, it would be like a surgeon opening the abdomen and then stepping back to wait and see for ten years. we deserve actual care and none of these should ever be used in a hands off manner. systemically irresponsible prescribing is genocide implemented by insurance companies to save money at the behest of people who think they are making the world better by removing you from it.
the mindfulness inherent in self regulated medication where i was involved in making choices for my current experience adjusting by whatever quality i felt i needed, versus just "well maximum is probably fine right" based on vibes alone.
nobody tries to stop me from getting weed now that i have moved. i go to the weed store and i tell the cute stoner "pain relaxation without sleep" and they know what i should try without blinking like i had just ordered "the number 3" and it is because they also use and therefore have a material interest of their answers as opposed to doctors who merely possess a fact.
one time this tiny little fairy of a person with an absolutely enormous and beautiful nose just giggled and went "chronic pain samesies?" grin and nod "i like this for using after physical therapy" and i have to just laugh with joy because that is what i want it for too and what doctor has ever prescribed me a brain pill and said "yeah i use this one for when i am too afraid i will kill someone that it makes me want to die, teehee"
could you imagine?
