i am aware i am the only person who uses this site like this and the rest of u are cool creatives who actually make shit but lemme post
i have gotten some test results that may mean i have a fun super rare autoimmune disease of my blood and have to go on some light chemo or something (nbd dw about it) so that it doesnt get worse / i dont die (ive almost died so many times its fine stop worrying).
this sucks.
like it just sucks. all i want to do is be making things. i want to be making art. and be making friends. and be making stories. but my medical stuff gets in the way. i can barely do it. and when i try even with the help of my friends i fuck it up cuz my brain turns off randomly due to the strain. i cant even practice things.
so as im sure you could assume having ANOTHER thing on my plate doesnt exactly make me feel relieved. especially when I'm on my way to get 2-3 surgeries. and starting 3 new meds. things are rough.
i dont really have a place to put all this so im putting it here for now. i have lots of emotions about myself and grief and loss and thoughts about failure and measuring up to other people and letting down people but i wont put that in this post cuz its maybe a bit too much for this post. just gotta get some feelings out of me, before the fatigue takes my ability to.