Things make so much more sense now that I better understand myself. I guess that sounds obvious but, as someone who is very autistic and also trans, it's really a world of difference. Being aware that I'm overstimulated by loud music and that's why I feel bad and I don't have to try and figure out what it is or blame it on some unrelated thing... realizing when I've missed social cues (after a minute or two) and kinda understanding how to navigate those things without feeling like I'm some kinda weird alien who doesn't know how to interact with people... realizing when I'm getting a little too excited about whatever special interest I've latched onto and being able to ease off without making people mad at me. Being able to let myself leave when I'm ready without feeling bad like I'm missing out or being rude. idk. It just helps so so much to KNOW that I'm autistic and what kinds of things are aspects of that bc I can analyze the situations I'm in and understand why things are weird or hard for me. Just knowing what the reason is helps me so much to deal with it.
It's also great being out and trans, even if not everyone genders me correctly it just feels so much lighter and easier to be myself when I can be girly and silly and act like myself. It's also kind of incredible how much more comfortable I am expressing anger now? Which might sound weird but... before I started HRT, being angry would cause me so much distress and dysphoria, I guess because it made me feel masculine or something? Now I can express myself when something is upsetting me (or someone), I can raise my voice a little and be sassy and stomp my foot and lock my arms like a cartoon girl and just like.. make people know when what they said upset me! Without feeling like I'm being a violent man I guess. idk. It's just kinda funny because I've always hated dealing with anger and it's interesting to see myself be able to express it in a healthy way.
Basically I am a very special girl and I'm So So Normal and I deserve lots of headpats for being good. UwU
