"why are you redefining yourself so much in your mid-30s? shouldn't you have done that in your 20s like everyone else?"
"well, shitty and incorrect voice in my brain, i'm only now just learning that the walls that were built up around what i could do were a) not put there by me and b) fake as hell and the fact that i'm 'doing it 10 years later than everyone else' (also incredibly untrue) doesn't fucking change that"
"oh"
"also you're probably a manifestation of the grief of lost time. i would have loved to have figured this shit out a long time ago and i would have had so many years of understanding and enjoying myself. and perhaps there are some logistical foundations that are getting rattled (esp. wrt how i present myself to the world) since there has been a long time for such things to solidify into routine. but you know the whole thing about the best time to plant trees, etc. etc."
"oh"
"i forgive you, but also never return."
