I haven't necessarily given up on finding/getting to know other nonwhite people online but I have given up on trying to have or find the same convos we used to be able to have. Time was, we could talk about things within and between our different communities with nuance, or at least argue about them needing nuance.
Now when we bring anything up (here, on fedi, wherever) it gets immediately hijacked and ran through a bleaching process until it's a completely different topic, or the OP gets piled on and harassed, or a bunch of meerkats pop up and act surprised that a thing everyone else knows about exists and constantly demand to be Explained To. Because ⬜️ people refuse to not be centered in a conversation and will willfully misinterpret anything until the conversation is about something they're comfortable with. It's because I can't even say the last sentence without feeling the need to say "not all blahblahadkvwrjva".
It happened all the time before but also before there was enough critical mass of Black and other nonwhite people (and yes, white people who knew when to be quiet and listen) that these convos would just continue around the hijacking attempts.
Specifically on Cohost what I feel (and feel I see a lot in other nonwhite people) is that it's not actively hostile most days and there's a lot we can share with each other BUT we can all see how much we can't be our full selves. Like going to a PWI and gathering at The Mostly Nonwhite Table and seeing the fault lines in everyone's face while we talk about everyday stuff.
It doesn't help that all of us have seen, both online and offline, what happened to support for Black people after 2020. It's hard to feel like these spaces can be recreated when we see just how eager a lot of white people (and other non-Black people, yes other Asians included) are to coopt them or take them down.
