i know it's a joke but actually, is it real? Do white women litchrally get a handbook on how to darvo and play tough until they realize other women (especially other white women) are seeing through them and then pull out the sad uwu faces? Because what happened to me today on the fedi felt like it was coming from a wikihow 😂
The part that ISN'T instinctual for white women (yes, all white women) is the part where the women who saw through the other lady 1) said something to stand up with me 2) that was actually useful, not just for shouty ally points. THAT part is what needs to be learned (and the other part actively unlearned). Reading and listening helps a lot with that, but most importantly what helps is actually having Black people* in your life and actually caring about their lives and feelings instead of just counting them as "good person points." Caring more about the impact you are actually making on people who actually mean something than about the impression you want to give or how you want other people to think (or not think) of you.
The original white lady and I ended up talking it out and while I was very careful and specific in what I said (bc I still don't trust her bc some of the stuff she said was extremely two-faced), none of it would have happened at all without the two women who came in to agree with me (one of whom was white, so I know it can happen, so don't try the learned helplessness/weaponized incompetence around racism thing, thanks).
*yea I specifically said Black instead of nonwhite here, too many of us nonwhite non-Black people get reeeeeal comfy in the white adjacency aspiration atelier, I've seen too much rampant anti-Blackness in my and other adjacent communities to say otherwise