Was writing a silly little gender comment on someone’s silly little gender chost when suddenly my brain hit me with:
Wait, how much of my current gender journey is tied up in the fact that I live in a place where it’s dangerous to be visibly queer? How much of the whole getting gender envy from shit that I know would make me dysphoric anyway shit is because I just wish I could safely express my queerness in the physical world to begin with, rather than some misguided desire to try and look like that when I know it would worsen my dysphoria? How much of this current round of questioning isn’t fueled by an evolving understanding of my identity, but rather by my desperation for any avenue of queer self-expression I can get my hands on?
Brain, you can’t just hit me with earth-shattering shit like that when it’s this late in the evening.