WARNING
There has been a Gender Criticality Incident. Please remain calm while the appropriate authorities are dispatched. Stay indoors and avoid the following:
- unfamiliar capsules on the ground
- clouds of pink, blue, or green smoke
- strangers wearing heavy or baggy, form-obscuring clothing
- abandoned garments
The Bureau will have this incident resolved in 1 hours. An additional broadcast will be issued at this time. The Bureau is here for your safety and Agents should be offered your fullest cooperation. Thank you for your time.
IMPORTANT UPDATE
THE INCIDENT HAS NOT BEEN RESOLVED. UNFORESEEN DIFFICULTIES HAVE INCAPACITATED JEFFERSON COUNTY REGIONAL AGENTS.
DO NOT BE ALARMED. FEDERAL HEADQUARTERS IS REQUISITIONING ADDITIONAL, HIGHLY TRAINED AGENTS. STAY CALM AND REMAIN INDOORS. REMEMBER: THE BUREAU IS HERE FOR YOUR PROTECTION AGAINST GENDER INCURSIONS.
