Skysometric

it's, like, insane. I can write things to people online and they wont find and destroy me like the scoundrel I am. Offline... still situationally difficult, but we're getting there. slowly.

i've gone on vrchat a grand total of about four times

• first and second time were me using text chat
• third time i actually was able to talk to people through voice

but the fourth time? i never said anything, neither through text nor voice--i just lurked like i was stupid. honestly i think i've downgraded lmao
i don't believe it's because of my clear social anxiety (although that might play into it), but because i only really talk to someone if they come up to me first. i don't want to be seen as someone disrupting the convo in any way, but the result of that is that i just won't enter it, like it's the best way to avoid being perceived as such. i'm just like that and i hate it
irl it's the same thing, probably even worse because now people actually see me as me instead of as like a bocchi avatar (lol), so now i'm more anxious because now physical appearance comes into play as well (and i'm not exactly someone that looks good, relatively), which means it is fully possible that it is less likely for someone to talk to me, which means i talk less, which transfers to me using my voice online less,,,
it's a big cycle 😭