- all ceiling fan knobs have the labels printed in ascending order clockwise, while the dial must actually be turned anticlockwise to step through the speeds in ascending order, or vice versa. this has the effect of swapping "1" and "3". this is done because "2" is clearly the best number.
- all ceiling fans have three speeds: nearly off, low, and simulate hurricane
- all ceiling fans produce an annoying flicker in proximity to ceiling lights, as they often are. this led directly to the invention of the chandelier.
- all ceiling fans are designed, on their fastest setting, to behave exactly as if they are going to go flying right out of their fixtures at any moment, severely injuring whoever happens to be standing or sleeping underneath at the time. this detail is attributed to Damocles, though nobody knows what it is meant to represent.
- if you throw a pencil into a ceiling fan, it will probably break in half. if you throw it into a ceiling fan in a ceiling with multiple ceiling fans, one of the fragments might fly into the other fan and break again, which is extremely cool.
- youve probably never been injured by a ceiling fan, despite their best efforts.
- all ceiling fans emit a special low-frequency tone on their slowest setting that encourages all living beings to raise their arms above their head, jump up and down, climb on things, stand up straighter. etc. at the other settings, the tone becomes too high-pitched to be effective, though at the fastest speed it encourages throwing small objects in some beings. the purpose of this tone is to encourage constant vigilance around more bloodthirsty fans.
- a ceiling fan will only ever make the room you're in warmer.
- some say that the ceiling fan is the "devil in thermodynamics". others claim that this title belongs to the portable air conditioner.
- ceiling fans never rest and they never take breaks.
- once a ceiling fan is on its fastest speed, it becomes impossible to count or even remember how many blades it has.
- ceiling fans have no relation to helicopter blades. this is an example of convergent evolution.
- ceiling fans do not encourage note-taking in all people
- ceiling fans may make it easier or harder to fall asleep, or both.
The preceding text was written starting an hour past midnight, when I couldn't sleep, and did not know if it was because of or in spite of having a ceiling fan running at speed 3.
I've been to the US a few times and everytime I was lowkey terrified of every ceiling fan
