we know em, we love em, we don't practice them and that could be improved
Safety tools are cool in both rpg and kink spaces. They let you calibrate your experience both before and during a scene.
People also don't use them. Specifically, people who should be using them and agree that the tools are good for the purpose often don't use them. Why? Because the tools are necessarily intrusive and people don't want to intrude, make a fuss, break the flow, "we'll talk about it afterwards, it's fine" etc.
So what I wanna propose to everyone is this newfangled concept called "practice". A thing that's done often in Nordic LARP spaces is that before active play there's a bunch of workshops. These range from improv warmup games to going through the physicality of the character you're about to embody to, and this is the good bit, practicing various mechanics (they calle them metatechniques). If the larp has a "night" where the lighting changes and everyone must find a sleep spot? We'll go through the motions. Does it have specific trigger moments where you must react in a set way? We'll play one of those out. So that when the time comes, you know what to do and don't feel awkward about it.
The same can and I argue should be done with safety tools. For example, let's say a flow control/check-in tool like green/yellow/red. It should be one of the first things talked about, do people know it, here's some examples where to apply it etc. But then also make it the duty of everyone involved to use it at least once during the preparation stage. If you're the person with control (gm/top/dom/facilitator), you should at least once but preferably a few times do the check-in part. "We might deal with this sensitive topic, are we green?" "In the scene I'm going to touch you in this way, what's the color?"
But everyone, people with control and people who are along for the ride, should also at least once use an interruption. It doesn't have to be based on a real concern or problem. This is an exercise in allowing yourself to be a nuisance. If you've done it once, then you can do it again more easily. And it also is an opportunity for everyone else to demonstrate that they can do a responsible followup.
– Alright, this whole thing should take about 3 hou...
– Red!
– ... Aight, let's take a small break before we continue. Are you alright, anything I can help you with?
Maybe it's better if it's for no good reason (detaching the interruption from the concept of it having to be a personal crisis). Maybe it should only be used in things that are at least slightly uncomfortable (keeping the purpose of the tool relevant). I don't know, that's for people with better psych educations.
And in the end, even if going through the motions doesn't actually correlate with better use of the safety tools, someone who fails to use them under no pressure might be a red flag. It's hard to trust someone to be aware and step out of play in the moment when they can't do that outside of the moment.
