Plume

i really like 90s and earlier queer zines and stuff where you see a large amount of queer people self identify in messy or "controversial" ways and i really want that punk spirit back. nowadays i see too much infighting about who gets to say and be what and a lot of emphasis on clean tidy boxes for our labels. queerness needs to be about creating the self in whatever manner speaks to you as an individual and not what makes sense to other people. i feel like this spirit has been watered down because its easier to gain cishet allyship through streamlining and boxing ourselves, and rainbow capitalism also finds it easier to sell to singular, clean labels and umbrellas. we're easier to stomach when we dissolve our experiences into "we're just like you!" for cishet audiences. playing the "good, normal queer" in exchange for our rights has intoxicated people to the point i can't count the amount of times i've seen "neopronouns/xenogenders make trans people look crazy, you're making the rest of the community look bad" or similar sentiments about any concept that isn't palatable enough to be immediately understood and approved by cishet people or even fellow LGBTQ people. you don't need to "make sense" or taste good, you need to be yourself and experience self-actualization. so yes you should be a girlfag or boydyke or stargender or an it/its or whatever your heart desires.

QUEER PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO BE FUCKED UP AND WEIRD

NOBODY CAN STOP YOU

IF THEY TRY YOU MAY OBLITERATE THEM

"So, I found this copy of Pokemon Blue at a garage sale. It is obviously haunted, as evidenced by the evil presence surrounding the game and the fact that the cartridge says "DO NOT PLAY" on the front, written hastily in red sharpie, or possibly blood. Now, obviously a rare game like this is extremely hard to find, especially in it's current condition, so I've taken up the task of attempting to preserve it for others to see. Unfortunately, I don't think it's possible to for me to dump the contents of the game, likely due to the fact that it is haunted and contains the soul of a demonic entity. Even if I could do that, I assume it probably wouldn't play in mGBA, so a ROM would probably not be very useful. Hence, I'm doing the only thing I can do: Recording this longplay and uploading it to Youtube. I plan on showcasing every aspect of this game to ensure that this longplay is a canonical reference for those who wish to remake the game in the future. Apart from occasional voice over describing my current subjective mental state, which I expect to deteriorate as I am slowly possessed by the haunted game's demonic entity, this will be a no-commentary longplay. A separate "voiceover-less" line-out of the game is available in the description if you would prefer a more immersive experience, although this will obviously not provide a complete understanding of the otherworldly nature of the game."

positives:

-hobbies. I am progressing rapidly in guitar playing and I have read 39 books so far this year.

-mental health. the thinking/speech and reading comprehension problems i had during heavy twitter usage have faded. i.e. overexplaining myself to defend against attacks when I'm just talking to one person irl. allowing myself to have complex consideration of things rather than immediate reactions. much less anxiety and feeling of being perceived, and the impulse to Post is almost gone

-so much time regained. it feels weird that I used to spend hours at a time online. feverish days dedicated to finding out what bad things happened and spreading them out of fear and anxiety, leaving myself in a useless state until I slept. now I can catch up on an entire days' worth of stuff on my phone in 5 minutes between offline activities.

-finally being on the right side of the "jesse wtf are you talking about" meme where people have to catch me up on stuff that sounds like it's a different language and describe main characters I don't know.

negatives:

-still coming down from the stimulation of being able to see everyone work/joke/discuss (in the rare times it was positive). i feel extremely disconnected and lonely, life feels slow

-finding out which relationships could be ported from the site onto other platforms and which ones seemingly only existed there has been hard on me

-illusory feel that all networking/promo is still happening there (i'm told it's pretty dead and a shell of its former self but I still feel like I'm fucking up not being there) -it annoys me that so much culture does still only occur there despite it getting so much worse

-general experience of going from overstimulation straight to quieter and lonelier slower-paced life

yet to be seen

-how an album release goes without twitter! will be finding out very soon