i really dont enjoy this idea that keeps getting pushed to me that things you do for business can be considered "art"

like they're making us design a layout for a website that we would be making and i have no idea what to do because i just do not understand the significance of the "corporate design" which is the exact thing that i would need to practice.

work via commission is not "art" as far as im concerned and less so through means like this.
its more utilitarian.
things have specific placements and specific uses based on market data im assuming.

neocities has websites that i would consider art as they have no intrinsic rules or boundaries, there's nothing they cant do and so they dont have to conform to ease of access restrictions.

without an actual direction to run in everything i add just feels superfluous.

i need a teacher that can actually teach.

as i feared this is turning out to be a complete waste of my time.
he spends one whole day racing through how to build an entire web page in a language that we're not privy to and then sits around the whole week doing fuck all, only alerts us of assignments at the end of the week by posting them to the googlewhatever page.

and now he's just glossing over everything he did on HIS web page which im sure is going to take up this entire day because next week we're starting a new project that im not going to do well on because this fucker can. not. teach.

i can faintly hear my future mewling in the fetal position as it curls up to die behind the sofa.

Asked out a girl at work yesterday, she turned me down today.

But they were honest about the change of mind and i respect them for it, getting rejected is fine as long as its honest.

Ive been put through the wringer a few times before simply because people have lead me to believe that i could do something to change their minds.

But this feels better, i feel respected this time and more confident that i could try again later with someone new and that there isnt something fundamentally wrong with how i look or who i am going forward.

I understand why people tend to lie about the reasons why but it really is better if youre just up front about not wanting to.

Some part of me wants to make a new page to post pornography whenever i make it.

Another part of me feels like that would be a waste of a page incase i get to a point that ill never draw it again.

And then im worried about gaining too much fame over that again.