smokeandhoney

https://devil.contact

  • he/him

Some things I like in no particular order: board games, video games, mechanical keyboards, automating stuff with amateur level python, my cat Tabitha, science fiction and fantasy novels, live music but only if I already know the songs



Man, my job is really getting me down lately. I am the senior remote tech and remotes "manager" at a small MSP. But I feel spectacularly ill-suited to being in charge of other people. I like working with tech stuff. I like being able to solve problems for people. I like that I can work remotely from home and be with my cat all day.

What I don't like is giving people reviews or negative feedback or passing down bad decisions from upper management. I am super conflict avoidant--something I've been trying to work on--and not diagnosed but almost certainly somewhere on the ADHD/autism spectrum. And I'm in this customer-service type role where I try to do a really good job so that people won't be mad at me. Generally customers are pretty happy with me, but I feel like I'm constantly failing the people under me and disrespected by the people above me. I don't want this.

And I feel like I'm not being paid enough for the stress the job causes. It pays me enough which feels like a luxury these days, but it's just enough.

I want to work on fun tech stuff and learn new things without being in charge of anyone. I'd love to go back to college if that were something I could afford to do.

I don't know, I'm frustrated with this job, but I don't know if there's better stuff out there! I mean, there's gotta be, but finding another job is so hard, and proving to them that I'm worth hiring is hard. I don't have any actual certifications or a degree in IT stuff. I've got 14 years of experience, but it's all at this one company. I'm good at the tech side of things--people ask for my help specifically all the time. I get along well with people. I'm good at written communication. But I'm not a performer. I work so much better in text or even over the phone than I do in a face-to-face meeting.

Anyway. Thanks for indulging my unfocused rambling frustration after a hard day. And if you've got any thoughts about like... alternative career paths or scholarships for almost-40 year olds or anything I'd love to hear it.


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