Snazzy the Dragon

A plushie scientifically designed to make you immediately empty your bladder upon smooching via a mix of special scents and some light hypnotic visuals from its eyes. It was made as an aid for littles with shy bladders, but it also became a popular prank item.

It was pulled off the market briefly after some evidence of it being addictive, and inducing "a strong, near obsessive bond" after only a few uses. However it is back on sale now, possibly because of lobbying by Big Plush™️

This was a REALLY weird movie. I'm still processing it.

Ok so... a paper-maker with a martial arts past accidentally defends his village from some bandits, which brings attention to him and ends up with a lot of people suffering and fighting. That's a pretty standard martial arts plot, right? Except, the attention comes from this nosy fucking investigator who RUINS THE LIVES OF EVERYONE HE MEETS. Like, no joke, if this fucking cop didn't stick his nose into everyone's business, Donnie Yen wouldn't have had a single problem.

The bizarre thing is that the investigator has absolutely no reason to investigate. There's no CRIME. Donnie Yen defended his village and killed two wanted criminals. The magistrate even says "ok, sounds good, case closed." This investigator ASSUMES that is only possible because he's a wanted criminal, something with zero support or evidence. Is it weird that Donnie yen, a paper-maker, killed these two? Yes it is. But it's such a strange leap in logic and has no set-up. It really makes the film have a shaky foundation, since so much time is spent investigating Donnie Yen's past. You as the audience is left going "whyyyyyy is he investigating? What even is there to investigate?" The film is missing a scene where the investigator says to the magistrate "something suspicious is happening, I'm requesting permission to investigate this man" or some obvious piece of evidence earlier on.

Normally I wouldn't have this much of a problem with a wuxia movie having a less-than-stellar plot, but a full hour and a half is spent on this pointless investigation with no action. There's three fight scenes in total in the film and to be honest they're not much to write home about. They're trying to do that gritty, grounded "oh look how dirty and unglamorous fighting is" combat but also having characters flying and having skin that blades bounce off of. It doesn't mix well.

The ending is............ very random. It's been a while since I last saw a villain die to a lightning strike (does that sound like a non-sequitur? because it felt VERY random when watching the film). Normally I don't like to spoil the ending to movies I watch, but jesus christ what a strange choice to make in your martial arts film.

Overall, despite all of my criticisms, I still kind of enjoyed it. There were some interesting ideas, like having the investigator go to the first fight scene and recreate the fight in his mind. That being said, I don't think I can recommend this film, which is a shame. I love wuxia and I love mystery and I was hoping this film could combine the two concepts better.

This was with fresh, homemade bread with pork loin and red braised beef shank! It was so fucking delicious ughhhhh