☀️😌❔
it feels weird to care about your life after years and years of not caring. my depression has gotten better over the years, but I still lived in a funk for so long. I still have depression, ofc, but it feels more manageable than it ever did before.
However I still feel mixed. I feel positive about the future but I also feel nervous. There are things I want to fix that I just won't be able to fix anytime soon. It is beyond our budget and it isn't dangerous/an emergency, so it just has to wait. It's hard to decide what is worth controlling and what I just have to accept for now. The part that I can't control that bothers me the most is the tiling in the dining room/kitchen/pantry. It is cracked and broken in several high traffic places (in front of appliances mostly) But to get it redone would be several thousand dollars. It just isn't reasonable right now. Once we get our emergencies taken care of, maybe it is something we can save up for tho. For now it will just have to be covered by rugs, so maybe I will get myself some nice rugs. With charging a lot of the emergency stuff to my credit card I have a bunch of rewards points for TJ Maxx, so I could get some cute home decor stuff I usually wouldn't splurge on.
but right now it is nice to just come into my room, sit down, and watch TV while working on crafts. I'm easily able to find my supplies. not having to avoid stepping on junk everywhere.
rooms are starting to get to "I need to clean up this corner" instead of the whole damn thing being a disaster.
I asked Stevie if she thinks we can get our rooms down to mostly manageable by mid next month (around our anniversary and start of my vacation). we both agreed that seems plenty doable. We have the worst parts of our room mostly cleared out now. There is still a lot to do. Furniture to move/replace. Things to organize. But it's getting there and I feel pleased.