i don’t think i’ve ever really had as much fun with making art as i have with guitar over the years, and it’s entirely bc i just haven’t been stressing about it and have just been doing it for fun. sure i’m not the best guitarist, there’s a lot of areas i can see that i could improve on if i deliberately practiced, and i do do that i do sometimes deliberately practice to be able to do/play something better, but i don’t have like, a Routine. i mostly just pick up the fuckin guitar and have fun playing a song or trying to play a song and figuring out what makes the song tick and why it’s so interesting and/or fun to play and putting my own spin on it. i just decide to do it whenever i feel like it and it’s not a deliberate effort or a chore or anything. it’s not something i feel like i Have to do, to chip away at so i can be Better at it and eventually feel like i’m Good Enough to be Allowed to have fun with it. it’s just… a fun thing. i do it because doing it is fun and rewarding. my family really was right when they said that counted as “practice”, heh.
i have very little impostor syndrome about being a Guitarist because i’m obviously far from perfect and am not the most technically competent player but i’m confident in my abilities and what i can do and what i do know. what i can’t do is familiar and annoying at worst instead of scary, and what i don’t know is exciting new frontiers instead of dread over not already knowing it. so i’m confident that if i just embody that and do my thing and talk about it it will be very fuckin apparent that i’m experienced and i know what i’m doing. it’s not even “faking it until you make it”, or really about knowledge or experience at all. it’s just a state of being, and not making yourself out to be more or less than you are, and making an earnest effort to just do the thing and enjoy it and learn as you go.
i think school and perfectionism and just general societal attitudes about creativity have kind of made me freaked out about this kind of thing. it’s one thing to hear people say “it’s okay to suck” but it takes a mental leap and experience to really understand what they mean by it. to be confident in what you’re able to do, and enjoy it, and just embrace your weaknesses, and be secure in your knowledge and build it up instead of not giving it room to grow by being upset that it’s not “enough” yet. it’ll be enough once you accept it, and before you know it, it’ll blossom before your very eyes.
i don’t really think this post alone is going to give anyone the tools they need to be able to move into that mindset, but i do want you to know that It Is Possible. you can burn your dread and have fun creating and learning and you really don’t have to worry about being “good”, it’s okay, you’re good enough. and you’ll only get better the more you have fun and explore. you can look up and learn about all the different kinds of paths you can take, and the ways they connect to each other, and sooner than later you’ll have a workable mental map!
you’re allowed to create and learn you should take pride in what you do create and do learn, and seeing your weaknesses shouldn’t take away from your strengths.