Yes really!
Think about it. In 2018, a Black 14 year old child overslept and missed the bus. He forgot his phone and got lost trying to retrace his bus route from memory. He ended up being shot at by a racist retired firefighter. Thank God he was ok, physically, would you be able to just ask for help after an experience like that?
Its not always that serious, but BIPOC people have to think of this outcome just about every single time they interact with us. We cant forget that.
What abt people without that worry though? So many disabled people I have met have dealt with a horrible experience after asking for help. Being crip-vestigated, harassed, yelled at, humiliated, accused of using their grandma's parking placard, all for asking for the accomodations they need.
Many of us are trans, and it can escalate to transphobic violence as well when we are at the mercy of another human who likely is not qualified to determine our medical needs.
All of this and more is why leaving exceptions and accomodations up to "enforcers" is such a bad solution, and part of why our community is having the reaction we are to what is happening in Nassau County with the mask bans.
Please if you are not disabled, internalize this fact, that "Just ask for help!" Is a slap in the face, it is not advice, and it is so hard when you guys often say it with the kindest sweetest intentions. I promise we dont want to blow up on you, or think less of you, and I want to give you the tools to actually be support if I can. You can even offer to ask for help for us, and we will say yes sometimes, just dont make a weird big deal out of it if we say no! Always ask before doing!
I am especially comfortable asking for help. I grew up in a situation where navigating spaces deeply unsafe to me is second nature, and I can easily assess and balance how afraid and demure I need to act not to get yelled at or worse. It still happens sometimes, but if you are like me, and disabled, consider using this super power for your peers. I dont reccomend this for nondisabled people, it can veer into a savioir complex too easily. Thats not a judgement on you, I avoid similar scenarios across marginalizations to avoid saviour complexes that I know have been drilled into my own head as well.
At Seattle trans pride this year, I was getting so upset waiting in line because there wasnt a separate accessible line, and there was only one ADA portapotty, so even when I got to the front I'd have to let people pass me while waiting for that specific one to open up, which was one of like 6 portapottys. I brought my rollator, so I could sit, but what abt people with canes and forearm crutches, or those of us who experience extreme urgency? So I started at the front and asked "Are you using the ada toilet?" To every person and started a separate line. Then when I was done (I didnt do the whole line just what I could) I got at the end of that line, and chatted with the people in it. They were very grateful, and I think I handled it well so they didnt feel embarassed, which is my #1 priority. No one without an aid entered the line though, this could be chance or embarassment. Hareful people will wait until youre alone and harass you for not looking disabled enough if you dont carry aids, so I wonder if I couldve done better to make people with invisible disabilities feel welcome in our separate line.
But that was just a small thing I could do, I was a volunteer and had the badge, and just decided to ask forgiveness later rather than beg permission to do it now. I think the key is I asked if I had done anything to make my peers feel unsafe to everyone else in the ada line, and they were happy with the job id done luckily. If you do this without doing that part, I dont know if it would be nearly as helpful, we all mess up even when well intended and doing the right thing! I hope other loud and confident people like me in our disabled community can use our voices! I did ask if volunteers could be alotted to do this, but the organizers didnt seem confident about it. I got too busy with life stuff unfortunately to follow up on this so I dont think the problem will be solved any time soon.
You can easily burn yourself out doing this, it took me a while to learn how not to burn myself out on disability justice. Just do what you can, and I promise people will appreciate it, whether theyre able to express it or not. No one but assholes are focusing on what you couldn't do. We are each other's best advocates, because we know what its like, and have lived the reasons why people might be trepidatious.
I am writing this hungover on the couch, so please let me know of some of my sentences are unclear or if there are typos that hurt your ability to understand what I am saying!
Puts me in immediate risk of homelessness or another extended hospitalization. That's why I need to be careful of how I approach everything regarding my physical and mental health. If a medical professional found out about my falls this summer, I'd be back in the ward living on a hospital bed, and not able to support my living situation properly.
