many of my closest friends are hyper-independent due to trauma and I'm like "yup that's what hyper-independence as a trauma response looks like" and assumed for the longest time that I was not one of those people because their hyper-independence is cranked up to 120% and mine is just cranked up to 70%

but apparently stumbling to the convenience store with a fever because I didn't have any medicine or supplies at home to deal with a fever instead of asking for help from anyone because this is my problem and I need to take care of it and it's not like anyone is going to help me anyway even if I ask is not "healthy" but is in fact "maladaptive"

I did, however, learn that I am such a bend-over-backwards-for-literally-anyone-but-myself person that I was able to hack my brain yesterday and muster up the strength and willpower to walk to the convenience store to get supplies by telling myself to pretend I'm doing it for a friend instead of myself, so that's a neat little trick I learned to do