therapy is interesting because I've been doing it for almost four years now and every time I think I am "fixed" it's more like I am well enough in some areas to now understand how fucked up I am in other areas that were hidden by the aforementioned more fucked up areas that are now sufficiently healed

I knew I was fucked when I told my therapist that I was really proud of myself one time because I was dealing with so much shit and felt like my life was falling apart but I was still able to throw myself into taking care of the people around me and she replied,

"ted do you maybe think you devote a lot of energy and time into taking care of others because you don't feel you deserve that time and energy from yourself?"

you do not understand what psychic damage is like until you have a very kind and gentle but also strategically honest therapist