a strange feeling: i've seen enough of my friends figure out they are on the autism spectrum to know that a key aspect of regaining control of one's life is separating the self from the mask because maintaining the mask is unsustainable

but i like my mask. i worked hard on my mask. my mask is likeable and pleasant. he is charismatic and patient.

i am in mourning over my mask. i know it will always be there when i need it but it's not the same

i liked him. i worked really, really hard to be like him. too hard, probably, but, sigh,