my son: i'm eating carrots so that i gain nightvision

me: i don't think that's how it works-

my son: this way i can do sniper headshots in the dark

me:

my son (mouth full of carrot): what if someone made a carrot moisturizer

my son: what's everyone talking about on cohost today? are they talking about john?

me: who's john?

my son: you know. john.

me: kiddo it's time for bed

my son: wait, let me show you what i just made in gimp

me: kiddo it's time for bed

my son: wait, let me show you what i just made in gimp