the-doomed-posts-of-muteKi

I'm the hedgehog masque replica guy

嘘だらけ塗ったチョースト


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twitter.com/the_damn_muteKi

ellaguro
@ellaguro

it's called "Let's Play Life"

it is a very long post that took multiple months to write. you can read it completely for free on my blog here: http://ellaguro.blogspot.com/2024/03/lets-play-life.html

here's a choice quote:

the internet has produced many things, but its driving force is cowardice. it's there in the collective failure to conceptualize how the things one does online manifest themselves in the larger world. it's there in the lionization of an almost spiritual level of intellectual laziness in the need to endlessly double down on whatever your personal brand becomes. it's there in the desire to tear down anyone who might attempt to shine a light on your own personal failures and limitations, in either your work or your larger perspective on the world. the internet is a refuge for the bad faith. it's a place to endlessly to celebrate your own fragility and inflexibility. it's a zone where we can magically reframe and hold up all our own failures of imagination as actually pretty fucking epic. to paraphrase something Matt Christman has often said: whatever happens, just say you've won. ultimately your own fantasy conception about what you're doing matters more than anything that might actually come out of it, especially if you've managed to successfully sell the importance of it to enough other people. we're all just performing elaborate shell games on each other in an attempt to feel better about ourselves.

if you enjoy it, please support me on patreon - i'm not in good financial shape right now. https://www.patreon.com/ellaguro


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in reply to @ellaguro's post:

Just wanted to say, as someone who is probably no more than like 3 years older than you or so that I was absolutely totally absorbed by this writing; it’s like, you ever read something and with every paragraph you just wanna say “YES THIS” out loud over and over? And especially when it touches on every single touchstone you remember as well?

I was/am an SA goon (2002 regdate) and had countless experiences like you describe with Martin as a kid, I also transitioned in the early 2000s, I went a bit of a different direction in undergrad—sex, drugs, partying and pretending to be a Vacant Cool Popular Girl and rejecting my entire internet nerd past. And then after undergrad I totally buried the vestiges of myself that had any of experiences you wrote about here, like a decade straight of my own Magfest-style experiences with midwestern anime conventions.

It’s only recently, in the last couple years, that I began to really, genuinely reconnect with the me that lived through and deeply, deeply experienced the early internet you describe here. Sorry to ramble but I guess I just wanted to express that, in a weird way, reading this felt like like coming home to a mirror universe of myself who never abandoned some degree of her own past and authenticity.

Love your writing and can’t wait to read more!!!

when you said "very long post" I still underestimated it. it's good, it's from the heart, it's a lot of volume for a lot of thoughts, and it relies on a lot of context from recent points in time. I like it. I'm not sure where it actually went or if it dragged my train of thought with it to any conclusion, but it feels like a 1am-5am conversation with a friend that takes a number of twists and turns and spans a number of interesting ideas