It sucks feeling known, but not recognized. And it sucks to have "don't be so vain" thoughts on top of that.
I'm a burlesque performer of some repute in my community. Last year and this year, a local entertainment periodical put on a new awards presentation for "best of"s around town, including best burlesque performer. The list of nominees was selected from public submission, and further screened based on activity; ergo, someone who, in their words, only performed 5 times a year, wouldn't qualify, which doesn't sound unreasonable to me.
Now, I'm not a great performer. I'm entertaining enough, sure, but I'm not of the same caliber as bigger names, and I'm okay with that. My priorities are different, so my time and resources aren't dedicated to the art the way they are for others. But I've been doing this for almost ten years now. I'm good, and more than that in this context, I'm fairly popular. (Likely because I'm probably the only active AMAB burlesque performer in the whole city, as far as I know.) People recognize me, even in other states, have come up to me on the street knowing who I am, have specifically requested me to be in one show or another. And people LIKE me.
So, while I don't ever picture myself winning such an award, it does burn a bit to not even see my name on the list when so many interactions give me the impression that it should be, especially when some of the names are of people who have barely started performing, and some are of people who are well known but haven't performed much if at all. It makes me question if I'm really as good as I think I am, or if I'm just a novelty here because I look like a man, but worth no more consideration than that.
And recently some drag queens here announced their own similar award presentation that they've put together for Pride, but focused specifically on drag and burlesque performers. The list of burlesque nominees is nearly identical. So the bitterness returns again. Meanwhile, the other part of my mind is like, "Just be happy you get the bookings you do and that your fellow performers still enjoy your company and your acts, and so do your audiences." Like, I don't WANT to win these things; I know I'm not the best out there. But I do think I'm at least good enough to be included for consideration and it bothers me that I'm not.