another day at the human exhibit in the alien zoo. the visitors keep telling me to throw things. "throw something," they'll say. "it's literally your only special ability." the only enrichment in my enclosure is a tube of tennis balls. hate it here
"show us your freaky shoulder anatomy," they scream. I do an Elvis-style 360 degree arm rotation. I mimic a baseball pitch. One of the Gorphlaxian children is throwing up.
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The fuckers kept telling me to jump, and when I rolled my ankle they put me in a new exhibit to show how I was able to heal myself, and now they want me to go back to jumping.
