it sucks wanting to be fixed right this minute when you know it's going to take a while. looking for shortcuts just makes the whole thing take longer. like i'm seeing opportunities pass by like a train but i know it won't work until i'm better. i hitch a ride anyway and regret it and figure i should just heal first but god that could take ages.
medical stuff (bones)
years ago i shattered my ankle and was partially immobilized for like 6 months. 3 weeks after i broke my ankle we were scheduled to move. like everything. luckily we had movers already and my boss at the time took the day off to help (amazing, eternally grateful), but the whole move-in process over the next while was sloooow as i couldn't really help.
i had a breakdown when i tried to do one thing (kneel on the bed to replace a lightbulb) and i couldn't do it. that entire time (and 6 months after that when i was dealing with a surgery related infection), i just wanted to be better and pushed myself.
honestly the pushing might have been a contributor to the infection and the fact that i still don't have full range of motion. pushing breaks things more. but also patience suuuuuuuucks.
i know i just need to be patient and i'll make peace with myself, but i just wanted to take like 15 minutes to be whiny but also inspect this general blah feeling that's been hanging on me all day. naming it helps.

