twitch of twitch.cymru

even on a self-proclaimed leftist website people do not care about your disabilities and trauma if it effects them even in the slightest smallest way. they will not tag their typing quirks, they will not tag their fast moving/flashing gifs, they will not tag their incest jokes, they will not tag their kink art depicting assault. even when asked. multiple times.

even in leftist spaces, people find it hard to care about disabled and traumatised people.

the ableism on this site also made it hard for me to use at times. like i guess it was still a bit better than my experience of ableism on other sites but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt so much. and now i'm seeing the people who were horribly ableist towards other disabled people i know, writing about how wonderful and perfect this website is, which feels a bit insulting to be honest. and i know nostalgia makes everything seem perfect or whatever, but the website isn't even gone yet and all the ableism over the tagging discourse and stuff was only like a few weeks ago.

this is branded as the queer leftist site so i had hoped that ableism wouldn't be so vile here, but i guess ableism gets everywhere and tbh it shouldn't surprise me. i mean tumblr is always branded as the "queer autism" site even though in my personal experience it's still insanely hostile to minorities unless you're a very very specific type of queer autistic person. i still got transphobic and ableist (and xenophobic) harassment on tumblr despite it's reputation as the leftist social justice site or whatever. and there were still issues with ableism (and racism) on cohost.

it's just that there were large issues/discussion/site-wide discourse around ableism only a few weeks ago and i know everyone is sad to see the site go, but it just seems sort of like nostalgia has made everyone forget that there were still some very vile things that were said and done. i'll be happy to no longer share a site with some of those people. even though i am sad to see the site go. please don't misinterpret this as i'm happy to see it go and that i thought everything about i was awful.

i think maybe (at least part of) the reason i feel chronically isolated and lonely is bc a majority of people i know are cis and abled and i'm always pushed away by their weird microagressions and general lack of udnerstanding. even with people who say that they feel close to me, and i always say that they're my close friends too, but the reality is more that they're the friends who i'm closest too but there's still this insurmountable wall bc of them being cis and/or abled. but i can't say that to anyone bc they always take it personally!!

this isn't to be like "cis people and trans people / abled people and disabled people can never be true, real, close friends", but i just feel like a lot of cis and abled people just don't like to acknowledge that they are still capable of being ableist/transphobic to me even if they consider themself an ally or my friend. and that like... they still occupy a position in society where they're my oppressor, and that me being upset about their microagressions is not just me being upset "bc they were a bit mean" or whatever. it all feels so unfair. like on a societal level.

incredibly insulting when a neurotypical person tells you "you just keep forgetting that no-one's brains work the same, you have to remember that our brains work differently" like do you think i'm not incredibly, painfully aware of that?? i have several diagnoses showing my brain works differently, and i'm punished every single day for having a brain that works differently by our ableist society. i am so painfully and upsettingly aware that my brain is different. i don't need you abled-splaining this to me.