two

actually the number two IRL

Thanks for playing, everyone. I'll see you around.


Having a huge quantity of video games that I want to get around to playing at some point, both owned and on various platform wishlists, may seem like it would be a burden, but consider this:


When they discover FTL travel some years from now and the great adventure of space colonisation begins, and they build huge city-ships that will carry many thousands of people to distant star systems, and those ships will be largely automated and thus crewed by many (mostly unskilled) people from all Earth selected to give a diverse sample of the population, and my name comes up in the lottery to be one of those invited to spend the next seven years travelling to a far-off small, dense, and wet planet vaguely in the direction of some unknown radio signals that might have been aliens, then I'll accept, knowing that I'll finally have a chance to play through my entire video game backlog by first convincing the people in charge to load hundreds of assorted video games into the ship's systems, which they agree to do mostly on account of the fact that they're putting most of the internet in there anyway "just in case". Of course, while my fellow crewmates on this ship will be busy spending the first two years of the journey learning things like how to play the piano and/or grow bonsai trees, they'll eventually tire of these pursuits and, because I spent that time just playing video games, I'll have endless, finely detailed recommendations for them all, which will eventually go ignored because everyone manages to busy themselves attempting to repair sudden ship failures the automated systems were meant to fix and trying to find out who's been crawling around in the vents unexpectedly attacking people, in the process growing a dense and wide network of bonds amongst the ship's massive crew and teaching everyone many details of how the ship's fragile life support systems work, meanwhile I grow apart from my crewmates due to the months and then years of mostly solitude which is only accelerated by the undeniable fact that there is not a single multiplayer game on the ship's onboard storage which I can be bested in thanks to my years of solid practice, except for the jackbox party games, which get old eventually because they really started running out of ideas around party pack 17. Finally the ship lands on our new planet which is named "Mud" based on the results of a poll conducted some weeks before landing (runner-up name: "Space France"), and we discover the thin atmosphere is slightly more toxic than everybody had anticipated because by the time we got close enough to get good readings the sensors were really struggling after many incidents involving "Space Juice", the flavoured-algae-based concoction invented three years into the trip to be a slightly more drinkable substitute to "stock nutrient liquid", being accidentally poured into one particular inconveniently located vent, but it's okay, it's not that toxic really, so settlement begins and it's going well thanks to the new skills everybody's picked up, but my own social outcast status and relative lack of engineering ability causes friction with the rest of the settlers, escalating until three weeks into being on land I wake up one morning to watch the two stars (each approximately half the brightness of the sun as seen from Earth so it works out) rise over the series of small domed buildings surrounding our huge ship that currently comprises all of civilisation that we know, only to suddenly realise (by way of noticing that the civilisation is nowhere to be found) that my individual self-sustaining residency pod bubble thing has been transported, probably with one of the terraforming trucks, some distance far from the city, which I confirm with my high-tech communicator device to be at least fifteen kilometres away. I will then also notice my communicator has been blocked from the main contact channels and all I can see is a read-only thread with a message telling me that I'll need to prove that I can support the civilisation by making my own way back, and also that they've got everybody who gets injured playing Super Smash Brothers Melee in the sick bay while they wait to recover so somebody will surely get to my level of skill by the time I return; so I begin a long quest of using the pod thing's 3D printer to produce a series of increasingly complex tools I use to upgrade my pod and harvest more minerals from the iron- and lithium-rich damp rock surrounding my new base, until finally months later I construct a modified and upscaled terrestrial Roomba-like device which I ride all the way back towards civilisation, which I get within a few kilometres of as I take the last jerry-rigged oxygen canister off the back of the roomba and see the ship's highest point appear over the (much closer than we're all used to) horizon, and the now medium-sized domes seem even more beautiful to me than I ever remember them being. Immediately after I arrive back in that city I called home for a very short time period, I am unceremoniously taken directly to the sick bay as long exposure to Mud's thin and somewhat toxic atmosphere while tearing over its boggy land at blisteringly unimpressive speeds mostly in the wrong direction on a large roomba has left me struggling to stand upright or form coherent sentences, and as soon as I wake up 14 hours later I ask for the guy in the building who is the best at SSBM and, with a comparable level of ceremony to my first arrival back, absolutely destroy them at it. After much confusion which is first believed to be a result of me being delirious from the long journey it is determined that, in fact, not only were the rest of the crew not practicing a now extremely old Nintendo fighting game in order to finally dethrone me as the best gamer while I was away, but the person who hacked my communicator and stole a terraforming truck to move my habitat dome away from civilisation while I was asleep and nobody was looking was, in fact, the same guy who was jumping out of vents and attacking people on the journey over, and five days into my exile they worked out the vent thing and threw him into the volcano (which I think I forgot to mention), but everybody assumed I just kind of moved my pod habitat away from everything and stopped responding to messages on purpose. A short time later I recover and learn how to play the violin while helping design a new combination transport and recycling system for the civilisation, which is expecting the second settler ship to soon arrive and nearly double the population. Years later, it is determined that the "Space Roombas" are only really practical in narrow circumstances, even if they are fun to get around on, and as I grow old and the genetically engineered purple grass begins to take hold around the now somewhat livable city (which we never bother to give a name), I tell stories to the younger settlers of Mud, who now include aliens (turns out those radio signals were because they were just hanging out a couple star systems over, so a bunch came here to see what we were up to) and robots (several consecutive 3D printer accidents caused people to get uploaded to the computer systems before anybody worked out what was going on), and my story of solitary survival and persistence in the first few weeks of settlement is a crowd favourite and inspiration to all, even if nobody who wasn't on the original ship believes the part about somebody crawling around in the vents because it sounds too much like Among Us (which is rarely played these days but still a popular meme). Basically all I'm saying is that having a lot of video games available is pretty much guaranteed to actually be quite useful.


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in reply to @two's post:

I would like to be able to say that this came to me in a dream but unfortunately I was completely awake and thus I have to take full responsibility for it.

i've been coping over the huge quantity of video games by instead being... exceptionally picky about them???
normally i only play a game if it's been recommended by a friend, or is a game on a list that someone with similar tastes as me likes enough to put on a list.
my story on that ship would be so much more boring compared to fictional yours. 😌✨

(..and i bet that i'd still have a bunch of games unplayed by the time we land bc procrastination is a very potent force to contend against)