it sounds stupid and maybe into the field of outright vanity but when i put on a shirt that is just bit too tight or as my buddy from highschool put it "that shirt makes you look like you're gonna start working out at any minute" i feel an overwhelming urge to consume an inordinate amount of milk and the result is: i am somehow able and it's always beneficial.
my ability to obtain and retain outright mass in the form of usable muscle in my dense form with little effort outside of consumption of needed material brings me the slightest sliver of joy in knowing and viewing the entirety of my body. i've always had an uncomfortable relation to my weight with the societal amalgamation determining that i am constantly overweight when the reality is that what is contained within me is unknown by a vast majority. i am heavy beyond reasonable measures, the advice i was given when i was forced to look to applying to the navy was "eat special k in replacement for meals for like 6 months" i recognize today im not the wrong shape and weight, im in fact a fucking factory of producing muscle and fat and it's hellish to apply the act of violence to those less able but realistically i can even still in my debilitated post covid state place my hands on either side of the head of a recruitment office worker and turn their entire being into fucking mush. just a thought i have from time to time when my dysphoria is rampant.