• "Petite Sirloin" (read: mystery quadruped product + edible glue, goes okay in a steak sandwich)
• Sushi (don't)
• Not Red Bull (tastes alright)
• Chicken (tastes alright)
• Fish (do not overcook)
• Eggs that break too damn easy in the bag
• a lawn chair
• depressed undergrad kids
• salmon + rice bowls (you will be hungry again in 15 minutes)
• uncanny ham
• uncanny turkey
• quinoa bowls that taste like what a poor person in Star Wars eats
• the most average dish soap to exist
• edamame angel hair (bland as hell, goes good with pesto)
• off-brand spam. How do you off-brand spam. "Luncheon meat." Who did you kill
• Cans of corned beef hash too big for one serving. Who the fuck is eating portions of corned beef hash the size of a human head. Don't fucking say family serving. If you're not from the US Northeast then that's what you feed your family before you all decide to Haneke yourselves. Don't lie to me you goon
• belgian piss beer
• piss seltzer
• decent sour IPA
• fucking incredible plant sausage what the fuck
• actually pretty nice jalapenos

I fucking love this uncanny funhouse food land I'll never go broke eating normal again