THE DATABASE ☆

genuinely I’m reading this ask as satire/sarcasm, which, unprompted is kind of out of pocket, but i really get the impression that this is someone working through their frustration with this situation by giving you a weird ironic ask

oh hi that's my tumblr post, that's weird to see in the wild

this is an especially sore point for me since i have tendencies towards regression for trauma reasons n stuff and it really sucks being seen as some sorta sick immoral pervert for whats more or less just coping mechanisms that help me survive

Commenting here because I appreciate Luis's defense of a kink that is a core part of my identity in online, and sometimes offline, spaces, but I would like to say something in the off chance the anon is reading these comments:

1. Don't be afraid of sticking up for your friends, because at the end of the day, they'll remember that. Every non ABDL in my life who's stuck with me when they found out about my weird little secret that I tried to respectively keep away from them but weren't bothered by it when it finally came up is cherished deeply by me. They know and accept a personal piece of me, and I would do the same for them. It brings us closer, and forms community, despite neither party being "into" each other's kinks. It's solidarity in the kink and queer space, and our lives are richer for it. I feel bad for people who are willing to have less friends because a kink icks them out.

2. Your feelings and fears of being ostracized are completely understandable and it's not fair or right for people to do that. It sucks when people you like and respect are willing to act like this. Whatever your kinks are, as long as you're not hurting anybody, you have a right to responsibly explore and indulge them. I read your asks as someone hesitant to jump on the bandwagon of cutting ties with people you love over things you don't think should matter. I read your comment as you understanding that there was something clearly wrong with the accusation of "ABDL is pedophilia and evil" because you knew that couldn't be true in your gut. And, you're right!

The real reason people, especially young queer people online, act like this is simple: They are confusing personal disgust with a sense of morality. They have not lived and grown enough to understand that something can simply not "be for them" without couching it in a sense of right and wrong. I can happily say, "I really don't like seeing X, because it makes me personally uncomfortable," without accusing someone of a high moral crime for enjoying, indulging, or partaking in it. It honestly feels liberating to do so, and I cannot recommend it enough. I don't like seeing, say, gore, so I mute it and if it comes up in conversation I just say, "I'm not a fan." I have never accused anyone into gore art of being some kind of serial killer in the making or something. Sometimes expression is WEIRD and that's fine! I have tools to curate my online experience so I never have to see something that makes me uncomfortable, AND I can be friends with the people that like it!

Hang on to your friends. Don't be bullied into accusing loved ones in your life as something you know they're not. They'll remember you sticking up for them and it'll mean a lot to them.

honestly, I instantly think less of anyone who conflates ABDL with pedophilia. I’ve avoided one popular piece of pngtubing software on principle because the dev did exactly that, and I haven’t forgotten.

To equate it to pedophilia is to fundamentally misunderstand what it is in the first place - and if you’re willing to crucify your peers over it, I’m going to keep some distance from you. At best you shoot first and ask questions later, at worst you’re just an asshole unwilling to accept anything that doesn’t sound “acceptable” enough compared to your own interests - and probably the only thing separating you from those who wish death on LGBTQ+ people is that you probably just so happen to be LGBTQ+ yourself.

"what should i do if i see someone [say] that they despise a kink?" just decide not to care about it. we're all going to the same place. i dont keep my kinks close to my chest and i assume people who dont like them just dont interact with me. i do the same for them. its not hard to kill the cop in your head especially in a place like this. anyway thats all of what i have to say about it i think

They are confusing personal disgust with a sense of morality.

Yes! This!! This is exactly the thing. And it's a shame because personal disgust is so very not a good moral compass.

Even when it comes to, say, loli/shota stuff (kinks that in my mind are not meaningfully different from pedophilia itself), the response I often see on the internet seems like some kind of virtue signaling that I don't understand.

Because even if you can connect the dots between a kink and the concept of childhood there is still a meaningful difference between pedophilia (thoughts) and child sexual abuse (actions). I'm not saying to be uncritically permissive of thoughts -- thoughts may not always lead to actions but they do always precede them. But if a community is so hostile to the concept of pedophilia that people who are struggling to find positive ways to handle the problematic parts of their sexuality can't even talk about them... well maybe that was less about preventing harm, and more about feeling self-righteous.

If you care about protecting children, and I'm assuming you do, it's worth taking an honest look at the problem. Be real about where harm comes from. Overwhelmingly, it comes from family members, gym teachers, priests, creeps in your kid's DMs, and the Epsteins... not artists on Pixiv whose favorite fictional character ships happen to also be teenagers.