there's a steven universe song i love called be wherever you are. by the end of the song the lyric changes to be "whoever" you are. this lyric change completely misled me on what the meaning of this song is—which im realizing right now is so so so obvious. i thought this song was just about steven trying to convince lars to not constantly reject the things that he likes and that mean things to him, and so he should let himself be who he is: dont fight who you are.
and thats only a part of the song. "let yourself be wherever you are" is an equally important message: despite being on a beautiful island where he is in little danger and is given basically paradise, lars doesnt want to enjoy it because he wont let himself be affected by his surroundings. he is somewhere else. but if he just embraced where he was, he'd realize he quite likes it a lot and eventually he'll be somewhere else.
and once you accept where you are, you allow it to change you and reveal things about yourself you couldnt see before. that is the "be whoever you are" part. "be yourself," come to think of it, is more of a command than anything else. look to the song "be who you are" by jon batiste: part of it is inspirational for one to be unrelentingly authentic and honest, but looking at the chorus it's also indicating a key constraint to existing—"you can only be who you are." despite how hard you try, you literally cannot be anyone but yourself, and any attempts to betray that idea is foolish at best.
so back to steven universe, we are all sort of trapped in a place and in ourselves. we can only be where we are. we can only be who we are. thats not a bad thing, so long as you accept it.
this summer, i feel quite ashamed about not working. my weeks are mainly just practicing piano, going gym, writing, reading, going on dates, and playing games. this weekend i just played elden ring all day. and because of that a lot of my interior is screaming at me to do more. to try harder. but im forcing myself to resist that urge because i shouldnt be ashamed that i like playing video games a lot and taking breaks. who doesnt? and a year ago, i would have loved to have the opportunity to just rest and listen. and likely, future me is going to miss being able to play video games all day while she's doing whatever terrifying, stressful, beautiful, wondrous shit she gets up to.
and right now, i have what might be my last chance to really just relax. i mean there'll probably be more, but id be a fool to not appreciate it to the fullest while i still get the chance.
right now, im doing this. and a year from now, ill be somewhere entirely different doing something entirely different. thats beautiful. and me sitting at my computer desk playing games with my friends is as beautiful and wondrous and sublime an experience as, say, crossing the sahara desert.
and there's so much time to do stuff. im in no rush. people have time to do puzzles. can you believe that? there's so much time in this life.