Howdy! Here's a little post about the design of my fursona. She hasn't changed too much over the years, other than getting chubbier, going through various outfits and hairstyles, and getting glasses. All of which I think make her a lot cuter and more how I see myself! Behold, the first art I did of her circa 2012, vs one I did this week.
Sheesh, she was so skinny back then. And those noodle arms! To be honest, for a very long time, I didn't really bother thinking about her design too much, largely because I was the only one drawing her. After I started making art friends and getting commissions, however, it started to dawn on me that I really didn't want others to see myself in a way that wasn't really appealing to me.
"But why come the white face?" some might wonder. "You've been the same for years. Even art made this year didn't have that!" Well, you see, it's all about a little thing called DYSPHORIA. When I was a baby trans girl just hatched from an egg, I was understandably very uncomfortable with facial hair. I still aim! It's awful! But as a teen, I didn't have nice razors that make my skin smooth. I only had the cheap electric ones my parents would buy me, which didn't shave very well. I would feel okay for maybe 8 hours at best. What's this have to do with fox face? Teen me thought it looked like a beard! It's silly, but true. It made me uncomfortable, so it had to go.
I don't think I actually felt this way about fox faces for long, but every time I thought about it on my fursona, I felt a little odd about it. At the time when I decided on it, I felt so strongly about it. It felt like the statement it made was important, at least to myself. No beards on my idealized, comfortable, fuzzy self image. Even if she did look kinda off.
I suppose now I don't hate it quite as much. Being on HRT, having a clean soft-face shave every day, and having (slightly) more self esteem over how I present myself has slowly but surely changed me. I'm sure there's something in there about healing from trauma, but this post is about a cartoon fox.
Over the years, I've had people wonder what animal if my fursona even is; some even called her a "weird dog". (I think that one's pretty funny, honestly) I've considered changing her design for a while now, so may as well just go for it!
I think it looks pretty good in 3d, too. Helps the face stand out!
Anyway, thanks for reading my first, very self-indulgent post. I probably won't make a lot of them, but we'll see!