warc

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l'internet's only non-binary faggot autiste.
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Go smoke cigarettes
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dont talk to me until ive eaten this keyboard
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warc
@warc

this just happenned irl on it's own
(i forgot to continue this bit because it wasn't very funny but im going to catch up if i can)


warc
@warc

JFK died of a heart attack about 6 frames before the shot made contact, so technically, he was not assassinated.


warc
@warc

it was a hunting accident like dicks chainy


warc
@warc

frankly, he probably just got bored


warc
@warc

the whole head-explody thing was an unfortunate side-effect of the design of the lincoln continental's built-in snack microwave oven, whose door lacked appropriate limit switches to turn it off when aimed at the president's big dumb head.


warc
@warc

due to a planning error, audiences in nebraska were able to view the cgi renders of the assassination a full 2 hours before the actual assassination had been scheduled to take place.


warc
@warc

there were not one, not two, but fifteen lone gunmen- all taking the shot simultaneously.

None of them knew of any of the others.


goaty
@goaty

ok warc you've gone too far with this one. make all the jokes you want about how he died and who killed him and why and how and when but to imply the man was never born is downright disrespectful. you do a complete disservice to the effort i put in knocking up his mom


warc
@warc

your right a bout that lucky its a new day and ne w day new truther so heres the latest from jfk truther center, we are still 11 days behind wow

jfk kendedy was telefragged by a repeat of the Philadelphia experiment (this one was called the Pittsburgh free trial)
like and subscribe for more apologys


tenna
@tenna

prior to the incident, jfk played one of those video games where when you die in the game, you die in real life, and he lost


BatElite
@BatElite

Through a plot contrivance, the bullet didn't kill JFK but instead sent him to late 12th century Germany where his additional weight ended up causing the Erfurt latrine disaster, killing him. This event altered the course of history with knock-on effects that culminated in JFK becoming president in the first place.


warc
@warc

James T. Kennedy, USS Enterprise (Janitor), died at sea November 22, 1963.
Everything you currently know about this day has been a translation error.


DecayWTF
@DecayWTF

he was replaced by a body double by the CIA when they discovered a plot to assassinate him, which was also an operation of a different part of the CIA. Kennedy himself was put in identity protection, given highly experimental longevity treatments, lived to the age of 106 and died September 1st, 2023 after a successful, 59 year career as a world-famous musician, author and restauranteur.


srxl
@srxl

they had to kill him so they could build a whole airport out of him


warc
@warc

You wake up.
The year is 1963. Mid-October.
You smile. The memory fades.
everything is gonna be all-right


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in reply to @warc's post:

Hm. Lee Harvey Oswald shot and assassinated JFK on two separate days. Once in the White House, which we never heard about, and then again after the government used their secret tech they keep hidden to revive him from the dead. He had to do the second assassination in public so the government couldn't just revive him & make him president again. They did revive him, but they had to make him go into hiding to hide their immortality tech.

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