We need to stop thinking through the most plausible answers to the Fermi paradox, or even the most optimistic/pessimistic answers. We need to gather our brightest minds to think of the funniest answers to the Fermi paradox.
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The very first galactic civilizations are being built right now, but thanks to the lightspeed barrier we can't see any of them. When we develop warp drives in the next 100 years or so we will find that other aliens already got there first. They left us alone because invasion makes zero sense with a practically infinite number of planets and resource-rich asteroids
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There is a great filter, and it makes everyone stay home, but the filter is that we all inevitably develop mathematically perfect pornography
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Theory of Everything reveals a hidden message embedded in the laws of physics that says "Thanks for playing the shareware version of existence! To get all four episodes, send a check or money order to—"
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Nobody leaves their home planet because their internet gives them the existential dread of "everything's already been done/thought of before, so what's the point"
- there are million-year-old intelligent civilisations out there, but they've all also encountered the Fermi paradox and decided they're evidently alone in the universe, so why bother with interstellar travel?
- Every civilisation sends out their nudes on a satellite at some point during their early space exploration for other species to find. Because they all start regretting that decision later, everybody is awkwardly trying to avoid each other.
- That static that we think is echoes from the big bang is actually billions of species leaving open mics on, all blending together so no one can hear anything or realize other people are talking.
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It's actually the great search filter, and we can't have other sophonts in our search results list unless we find a way to change the settings.
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All potential interstellar civilizations encounter the question of how to test whether the universe is a simulation, and all the others found the answer and logged out.
- We're that one neighbor in the galactic apartment complex that keeps ringing other people's doors for frivolous reasons, and all the other civilizations around us have learned to just tune us out in their quest to be left alone.
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the universe contains exactly one solar system, ours, and spacetime is curved in such a convoluted and fucked up way that what we presume is the rest of the universe is a bunch of reflections of ourselves, past, present and future.
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the above is not the solution to the paradox, rather it is the great filter, as we've long since ago (in the distant future) gone to war with ourselves and wiped ourselves out.
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this happens every time.
