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scout // 4

smoking a shitton of weed
hey you guys wanna do a J?

my new punk band, Worse Religion

*and then never actually paid him the money he was promised

so Curiosity: What's Inside the Cube? was a HELL of a game. or, "experiment" according to its lead designer peter molyneux

back in 2012, pete and his friends went 'what if people hit blocks? imagine.' as a test to see how folks would collaborate on a cumulative goal:

solve fun little puzzles to break the billions of small cubes, surrounding a prize inside which only one player can claim, something quote, "truly amazing, absolutely unique"

would people compete by default, would they work together? would factions form of peoples trying to break certain spots of the cube faster?

or would they spend around $62,000 USD in today's money in a stunt gacha games could only dream of being bold enough to pull?

motherfucker really looked at a journalist dead in the soul and said "it's not about the money, it's about sending a message"

and, largely, send messages people did. specifically swear words and titty art.

(sadly, the image examples were deleted, and that's probably for the best.)

anyways. people dug away at it for a couple of months, until finally a teenager in Scotland opened the last cube. he was the winner! congrats, bud!

or, rather, i'm sorry.

now, i'm not going to post the guy's name or face here, cuz while reading up on this whole thing, he's made it pretty clear he's a bit done and over this. actually, his exact words were:

"I don't care. Really. Like, whatever."

hell yea bud. so i'll be citing a lot of information from this eurogamer interview with him, just like, don't bother the guy, yeah? he's been through enough dealing with peter's bullshit. on that note,

In my humble opinion, Peter Molyneux is a liar and a con man.

"Every time people spend money on Godus, you will get a small piece of that pie."

the prize for getting to the center of the tootsie pop was becoming God and revenue sharing for a video game they hadn't released yet. and as a matter of fact-

still haven't actually released!

Godus was a weird, ethnocentric thing that made $450,000 on Kickstarter back in 2012 and now, over a decade later, has a barely functional freemium mobile game and an early access PC hell to show for itself

the winner of curiosity hasn't seen a dime. he has no god powers. the game doesn't exist in a medium for him to be able to claim any promised wealth, but they sure did rack in that kickstarter and microtransaction money, huh?

peter threw a temper tantrum and said it's not his fault his company fired the person who was supposed to pay the winner his prize. even though, again, it's one person. you could just call the kid yourself.

though i guess he's a bit busy, since he's already moved onto his next project by the way!

i'm sure that's going just great for him!

actually, we should take a moment to talk about pete.

he actually made a text-based business simulator way back in his day, called The Entrepreneur, and it failed miserably. so he used the fact that he was mistaken for a representative for a "human capital firm" whatever the FUCK that means to lie his way into snagging free computers and helping design a database system for the amiga

he literally just bullshitted his way through the deal. he got lucky. cuz he was mistaken for a rich white guy, and thus became a rich white guy himself.

look, i like Fable y'all, but peter molyneux is a scumbag.

fucking CREEP. "someone from 22cans"

YOU'RE FROM 22CANS! YOU "INDUSTRY LEGEND" YOU.

pick up the phone. now. just pay the kid some of the kickstarter funds you never used to finish the game, so he can get a portion of the "money spent on Godus" like you promised. or just out of pocket! since it's been a decade and all, it only seems fucking fair!

it's not hard. call it a 'charitable donation' and write it off on your taxes or somethin, or is that not subversive enough for you?

hey, at least devolver digital used the disinterested kid's story for a PR bump so that was nice for them.

anyways, i guess we'll add this one to the history books as another example of a british man promising a scottish youth freedom and riches, and very much not following through

"Holly Wednesday allegedly mutated thousands with her designer bioweapon. She says she is finished with the press."

God, I wish I could use that gambit as needed.

(this article's a wild ride, by the way)

my brain doesn't want to allot more than a single memory address for "famous asshole shitstain of name Molyneux" and this story has not changed that.