🌊

i'd never run into this first one before...

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

i wondered, was noted sex pest Goldblum going to tell us to "turn it off" or "go outside," a very common '90s normie take on video games? yes, yes he was 😑

this uh, time capsule

The Matrix: Path of Neo (2005)

that's some dorky shit y'all

i saw The Matrix Revolutions when it came out in 2003, thought it sucked, and then never saw it again. last year or whenever it was time to watch The Matrix Resurrections with some friends and we were talking about the original trilogy and i remarked how fucking stupid and awful the final confrontation of Revolutions was. you remember, i said, the one where all the Agent Smiths combine into a massive Agent Smith giant that slugs it out with Neo?

my friends had no idea. they insisted i was wrong. laughing, i insisted i was right: that is what happens at the end of The Matrix Revolutions! i clearly remembered the Smith gestalt taking a humongous pair of faux shades off an advertising billboard. it was so dumb, how could i make this up? checkmate.

we put on The Matrix Revolutions and skipped to the end. huh, where was giant Agent Smith? turns out i was conflating the mind-numbing giant Smith boss battle from the end of Path of Neo (a game i only knew through 2000s YouTube videos) with Revolution's actual final confrontation, which was merely a mind-numbing take on aerial Dragon Ball Z battles.

oops! 😳

so you see, that's why i am banned from amusement parks and eldercare facilities

i'd never run into this first one before...

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

i wondered, was noted sex pest Goldblum going to tell us to "turn it off" or "go outside," a very common '90s normie take on video games? yes, yes he was 😑

this uh, time capsule

The Matrix: Path of Neo (2005)

that's some dorky shit y'all