i made this one in august. i'm not very happy with it.
i remembered something. the reason i like Soda Stereo's En Remolinos so much, a song i only listened to for the first time about a year ago, is probably because it reminds me of that one song from the Death Note OST, Kodoku. They're both rather simple songs i think. But they make me feel and remember stuff. I believe music helps make memories stronger.
looking back through the lens of this song, kodoku, i can see a very vivid image of a past mental state. when i was a teenager i had this immense burden on me because of my poor self-image, among other things. my self-image is now much better, thankfully. i can genuinely smile at myself in the mirror. back then i would stare at my skin, my hair, my ears, my lips, my nose and see nothing but ugly. it's rather impressive how strong the negative feeling was, and how it tinged so many of my daily experiences.
to someone like this, having a vivid imagination was great. escape was rather easy. i could just play video games and watch anime, listen to the radio, draw stuff, or just daydream. aside from some of those video games though, these weren't very sociable activities. and sometimes those multiplayer video games just got me into more awkward situations. and sometimes the anime showed me other sad young people.
i guess one of the reasons i strive to be an artist is because of thinking things like..."maybe i can one day give a lonely teenager a world to escape into".
...
i remember another girl in my class who was sometimes made fun of for her appearance. i don't think i ever said more than a full sentence to her. in a better timeline i would've at least approached her once. asked, hey, how're you doing? is life okay?