if you have a minor cold that’s bothering you all weekend you should get compensation from the government in the form of one hundred thousand us dollars. and a soup

if you have a minor cold that’s bothering you all weekend you should get compensation from the government in the form of one hundred thousand us dollars. and a soup
I ate something yesterday before bed and have felt nauseous/pukey/shitty all night and day and couldn't eat all day. Am I entitled to a compensation too ?
i’m no lawyer but i’m pretty sure the government needs to send you several tons of solid gold
Hmmm ... I'll have to try and not eat them all in one sitting. Then again maybe I'd get more gold that way ?
as someone who has a minor cold that's been bothering me all weekend: yeah.