i am still aching in pain having fallen out of my chair laughing from this incredible trifecta of reviews for cranberry juice on the kroger app
- this first one, you might be fooled into thinking is normal. many people comment about how hard it is to open the oceanspray bottles, and their caps being a nuisance. however, that belies the fact that this person's technique for opening the bottle is therefore to squeeze the bottle so hard it pops the top off??? a feat of immense strength that has to be greater than what it takes to unscrew even a very tightly sealed cap?? Love it BUT!
- the second is the review that originally caught my eye, as its formatting feels much more natural and human than you typically get from reviews for grocery items. but. who is drinking THREE LITERS of cranberry juice in seven hours? who anticipates it so much they buy cranberry juice in a jug so big i could not lift it?? "ima be so cranberried up" as an affirmation for how prepared we are for what's ahead of us, so perfectly capturing its meaning. but i don't think i would be able to sleep for the number of bathroom breaks i'd need to take if I were that cranberried up
- and the incredible third one. kanaya diction followed by a preposterous statement and the oh-so subtle typos. did you know: I think you commercial with a mother kicking a clown in the face if very offensive and a poor choice of promoting your product. maybe this is everything we the other consumers needed to know about buying this cranberry juice but were too afraid to ask
