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in reply to @anderjak's post:
I realize this is mostly tangential, but...
What I find kind of wild is this growing attitude that writing a character who has morally iffy beliefs or behaviors is synonymous with advocating said beliefs/behaviors, like you're not allowed to conjure up an even slightly difficult character because it's taken as a declaration of your personal politics, or maybe just a personal attack on those who find a disagreeable character disagreeable. I wonder if this comes out of scenes where writing fiction with a lot of self-insert characters is the norm, or maybe it's a sign that people have increasing difficulty contending with viewpoints that don't match their own, and of the general adversarial approach which social media encourages.
This is great, thank you so much for writing and posting it!
I don't know how to understand what I just read, even when I try to read harder. I just cannot get past the fact that some people eroticize rape, I can never trust people who do that. Like are they trying to excuse rape as long as it looks sexy to them, or are they viewing rape as something sexy. Why would anyone want that? I can't even apply "ykinmkatok" to it. I'm deffo into rough shit, but even then, I can't imagine excluding consent from not only the act, but also the fantasy itself.
You talked about Dom aftercare though, and that's a really important point. I once was made to “play the rapist” (never again!) by my then-girlfriend (an emotionally manipulative person, so even though I was beyond unconformable, I didn't dare refusing). I don't remember having received aftercare after that, and I remain mentally scarred by that.
i think you might actually have the root of understanding your first point with your second! you went into a scene where the bottom made an unreasonable request of you, and you engaged because you felt unsafe enough to not deny that request; it wasn't okay to experience that scene on your own terms, and it was unfair of them to push that onto you without ensuring your aftercare.
i actually have a lot of thoughts on this, because your feelings are pretty common, but i didn't want to simply co-opt your comment for public discussion without your permission. if you don't mind, i'd love to make an additional post that can be rechosted separately, keeping personal details here and simply discussing the understandable hesitation around SA/rape as fantasy. would that be of interest to you?
Hello, I appreciate your gesture. I'm not sure this is a conversation I'm ready for, but as long as the chost doesn't mention anything personal about me, then, sure
oh, absolutely. don't worry, i don't share personal information, and i think it's a good opportunity to create a nice space for people to enter at their own pace and comfort!
thanks for hearing it out. long story short, there's a thing called consensual non-consent -- it allows people to explore potentially dangerous things on their own terms while also having the ability to tap out. it's one of the things that i've been finding absolutely fascinating in this discussion and something i feel is necessary to explore when in situations like these, because even when merely discussing stuff like this, it's vital to keep in touch with everyone's sensitivities.
Yeah nah "CNC" (or whatever euphémism for it) is part of the things I'm allergic to for exactly the same reasons. And if you don't mind, I feel uncomfortable with discussing this topic further…
all good! i'll respect that. the feelings are legit and it's stuff i can relate to pretty closely. thank you for hearing it out as far as you did!
