wifetrick

The stars dance in a flurry, or is your mind just spinning again? Not that it matters, they're dancing just for you either way. It's cold outside, it's always cold outside. It's cold inside, it's always cold inside. You don't let it get warm in here. Then you might forget what it's like to be outside.
You had that dream again. Two weights chained to your legs holding you down, you can't go anywhere, yu can't leave your room, you can't talk to anyone about the chains, but you're not drowning. So it's okay, you wake up sweating, your cut hurts again.
It's almost 4 pm, that means your friends should be getting home from work soon, better put on a nice face. Shower, brush your teeth, smile. Sit down, join a call, smile. Lay down, take that face off, smile. Another fulfilling day.
It's Tuesday, that means the weights are home. You sit in call, it hurts. You speak your mind, it hurts. You ask for the weights to try and pick themselves up a little, they pull you down. It's all okay though, you're not drowning.
Just another dream.
It's Wednesday, that means they'll be home tonight. You get about 2 hours to yourself, and 1 with family, and at 7pm she'll be home. You better pick out a really good face today. After all, you made a lot of these just for them. You can't afford to fuck this up. They've been growing distant recently, they never really respond to what you say, they never talk to you about how you feel. It's okay though, you're not drowning.
A lot of the time people ask you why you keep the chains around, and you struggle to find an answer. The weights are just what you're used to. The chains feel like home. They're cold, they're something you have, they say they love you, they promise to hold onto you no matter what. Besides, your room is only starting to fill with water, you have time to wait and see if the weights will float. If they don't, you'll think about cutting the chains, but probably not. That would mean a life where you're living for yourself. You cannot afford to cut off these chains.
Your cut hurts again.
Why are you doing this? This cycle, you hurt all day, you dream of pain, you wake up to the sting of a cut you got weeks ago, you roll over until you can't fall back asleep anymore, and then it continues. Take that face off for a minute. Take that face off and look around you. This isn't where you want to be. This isn't right.
You're drowning. Water all the way up to the cieling. If you just cut the chains. If you just get rid of these weights. You can swim to the door. Is it really worth it? Keeping these in your life? Letting yourself die?
When you wake up you rip off your bandaid.
Your cut is gone. It was there yesterday you know it was, you could feel it, but today, just a scar. It feels terrible just to look at it, but you know in time it will get better. And the scar will heal, and the mind will move forward, and maybe if you're lucky you can process all of this.
It's cold outside.
It's always cold outside.
It's warm inside.
It's never warm inside.