I was at a fancy, proper, higher-class scholarship banquet in June which was the single most awkward dinner in my existence on earth. I cannot share many details on why it was an incredibly uncomfortable situation, but this one thing keeps coming back, forever rent-free in my memory. The Cookie.
our dessert was a chocolate chip cookie, how the heck do you eat a chocolate chip cookie at a dinner this fancy. I'm sat next to an executive from an oil company who's net worth is larger than a small town, to my left is a guy from MasterChef Junior, in front of me is a person who wants to be a senator, next to them is a friend of mine.
I've been studying how the MasterChef Junior guy is eating, figuring they probably have the best table manners. The oil executive has no visible manners. The future politician is nervous and doing their best. I'm now panicking about this stupid cookie, looking at my friend who hasn't touched it either. I'm frozen, unable to make sense of how to eat the cookie.
I obviously cannot eat it with my hands, as I do not want to come across as sloppy. I cannot eat the cookie with a knife and fork, as that would make me look like a crazy man. I could use the only napkin available, but that would be awkward as it's already been used. I am fixated on the complexity of proper cookie etiquette, both my friend and the future politician still haven't touched their cookie. I didn't pay attention to how the MasterChef Junior guy delt with the situation. The oil executive ate it with his hands. I am now wondering who's Idea it was to bring crumbling chocolate chip cookies to a banquet.
I never ate the cookie and stared into the middle-distance for the rest of the experience.
