unimaginable combination of daddy issues trauma meets work trauma when you experience bosses as father figures. sorry boss please say you're proud of me or I'll cry.
this happens to me.
it's actually worse because for some reason my internal mental-emotional defenses against "dad was mean to me" are framed specifically in "this Adult Man Who Has Power Over Me was mean to me" (we don't have time to unpack ALL that) so the fact that my bosses have all been women means that my brain is unable to register that I shouldn't care when they are mean to me and instead it feels more like "dad AND mom are mad at you now!!!! you're FUCKED"
I just want a job where I'm able to easily and effectively execute the expected responsibilities but instead I have a job where my job is to socialize, plan ahead, juggle many details over the course of long periods of time, and Navigate Difficult Social Dynamics In A Small Workplace. I am So Autistic you have no idea. I hate it here. This job is actively killing me like I had to go to the ER and get diagnosed with a neurological disorder that gets worse with stress.
