NEW LOW SCORE: programmed a roller & text output in a spreadsheet out of sheer spite due to some stranger on the internet insisting that getting out a d6 is too much work and someone should do it for them.
The secretsauce is this was a REALLY easy task: mostly CONCATENATE() with a few RANDBETWEEN() and one toddler-tier cursed nested IF(). The closest I came to straining myself was touching conditional formatting because Google Sheets conditional formatting is less spaghetti and more an entire aisle of pasta.