I've tried to relax as much as I can without thinking too much about all the shitty things I got slammed with in the last few days. This whole cycle of everything costing more and random other things that cost a few hundred every month popping up I wish wasn't starting back up so soon in 2023. I was barely touching the rim of the toilet bowl I fell deep into and god's finger flushed on me again.
Emma's on the lookout for a part-time job that won't make her anxiety explode, but until that happens I have to budget with known quantities. It sucks that I can never get her some nice interview/work clothes (Goodwill has decided to never have changing rooms open again so my fat misshapen ass doesn't have much either) or makeup stuff. I've already been thinking how to changeup groceries to shave off a few bucks, and I don't like having to think like this so much. I feel like a shit provider for my family that I'm always scraping by and we're still in rags. And my debt mocking me as it's the thing stopping me from having plenty enough to live normally, even in a shit-priced world. I didn't have a choice but to rack up debt, things were needed for us to live that had to be paid for.
I got some writing done today but I wasn't really inspired to do much. Sunday nights are always badtimes in headville cause of knowing work is coming soon. I keep threatening myself to cash out my week of PTO, but I always shy from taking planned time cause I want to align it with a middle-month paycheck or something where I could maybe treat myself to something feasibly in that time. That time never comes and then I work forever or my time off is hit with more disasters and AUGH. When does it all stop.
